The Witcher series of video games is known for its violence and mature themes. Life on the continent is hard, and its residents have developed a thick skin to cope with the hardships of every day life.
These hardships created a sense of humor in the characters that can be described as dry, witty, and sarcastic. Humor comes from dry observations of their surroundings and responding to idiocy that none of them have time for, made all the more humorous when the observation or comment is dropped unexpectedly. Geralt in particular is known for his sarcasm and dryness, but humor can be found across the Continent if you know where to look.
10 “Don’t dare call me Bagginson”
This can be heard when passing random halflings in Novigrad. It’s a fun reference to The Lord of the Rings, as well as a bit of characterization for the little people who have attitudes far bigger than their stature would imply.
The people of Novigrad are a rough bunch, which is reflected in the ambient dialogue throughout the city. Hearing a quip like this is unexpected, and the Easter Egg is enough to put a smile on the face of any Lord of the Rings fan.
9 “Geralt I’m not in the mood for jests. Especially dull ones.”
Geralt is known for his sarcasm in even the most dire and inappropriate of situations. Yennefer is one character who refuses to deal with his razor sharp wit. While she occasionally enjoys a witty back-and-forth with the witcher, she’ll call him out if the situation is dire.
In this case, telling him his jests are poor quality. While Yennefer’s bluntness is a quality Geralt is attracted to, the quick shutdown of his poor attempt at humor is one that makes the situation all the more funny.
8 “You’re no Roach…”
Geralt says this to a goat named Princess, who he has to rescue from wandering off in a forest. The relationship sets on a rocky start, with Princess running headfirst into danger without a care while Geralt fights off a bear. Geralt begins to enjoy the company of the goat as the journey continues, and he even bestows her the honor rarely given to any beast, let alone a goat.
As their time together comes to an end, Geralt tells the Princess, “You’re no Roach, but I bet we could be friends in time. You’ve got that all-important quality every Roach has to have: you don’t talk much.”
7 “Iorveth – a regular son of a whore.”
Iorveth and Roche have one of the biggest antagonisms of The Witcher series, mostly to do with Roche’s massacre of Iorveth’s people. Geralt, Triss, and Roche find themselves traveling together in The Witcher 2, when they come across Iorveth on the road.
Iorveth gives Roche a very grand introduction and lists the man’s crimes against Iorveth’s people. Rather than following suite, Roche just introduces his enemy as simply as possible. The exchange is an amusing contrast.
6 “…More like The Crimson Asshole.”
As a musician and writer, Dandelion has a creative and fanciful imagination. This makes for a lucrative career as a bard, but also means a lot of his schemes and plans are silly, dangerous, or just plain daft.
His plan to assume the identity of a vigilante and to create a fake mugging is elaborate and complicated. Dandelion calls his vigilante identity The Crimson Avenger, and wears purple. His obnoxious banter during the encounter results in Geralt giving him the name The Crimson Asshole, giving voice to what everyone else was thinking.
5 “An immortal demands you fulfill three wishes, and you’ve the gall to propose a round of gwent?”
This quote from Hearts of Stone exemplifies Geralt’s obsession with gwent. He offers it to Olgierd von Everec in lieu of fulfilling his three wishes.
Olgierd is understandably annoyed with the request, especially as its so mundane and silly in the face of him as an immortal, and O’Dimm as an entity comparable to the devil. Gwent is the fallback for a lot of players though, an old faithful game that rarely lets them down, especially if they have invested in a good deck.
4 “Far as I’m concerned he might as well be rotting down there with a goddamn trombone.”
Dijkstra is known for his taciturn nature and deadpan sarcasm. He’s no different in Novigrad, with Radovid making him more salty than ever before. He says this line when discussing Dandelion’s disappearance, where he confuses Dandelion’s lute for a mandolin.
Geralt can make the mistake of correcting him, which does nothing to improve Dijkstra’s mood. The conversation conjures images of Dandelion lying at the bottom of a filthy river while clutching a variety of musical instruments.
3 “You’ve still shite to talk about!”
This charming line was spoken by the dead brother of Olgierd von Everec, whose ghost had possessed Geralt for a night of revelry. Geralt decided that a wedding was the perfect distraction for the ghost. This was clearly the case, as the ghost decided to make a speech where he insulted pretty much everyone at the party.
The von Everecs were a noble family, and the ghost happily tells the peasant wedding guests that peasants have “shite to talk about” but are, all in all, more fun than expected. A backhanded compliment if there ever was one.
2 “Vhajijlth alle’ghe urh yghilleth!”
Geralt kills the Ofieri Prince and finds himself on a ship headed to the distant country to be executed. His cellmate speaks the esoteric language, and Geralt uses his one and only chance to plead his case. Geralt receives a translation from his new friend, and then has to quickly speak before his jailors leave.
The choice is on a timer, and the above is one of the options Geralt can spout, much to the disgust of the guards. When they leave, Geralt asks his cellmate what he had said to receive such a response. “You nose bouncy bouncy,” and other such rubbish is the answer.
1 “Any other brilliant deductions you want confirmed?”
Geralt’s renowned for thinking out loud, particularly when analyzing the scene of a crime. This habit is usually fine when he’s alone in the wilderness, but when other people are there to bear witness to his observations, hilarity ensues.
One character who isn’t impressed with Geralt’s stating the obvious is Dijkstra. His no nonsense attitude combined with his sarcasm makes for a great contrast with Geralt’s observations, such as a giant hole in the wall of a vault being where thieves escaped with the vault’s contents.
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