High-end French restaurants set extremely high culinary standards. Amateurs tend to focus on only the single element of ingredients, whereas upscale chefs understand that tools, temperature, and timing are of equal importance. The phrase they use to educate the students of their craft is “mise en place” or “put in place.” If the right tools are not in the right place at the right moment, then a gourmet meal becomes a routine meal.
Dark Souls 2 is much like a fine dining experience in the sense that all of the right tools simply have to be there at the right time if the player is to progress.
A “routine” battle winds up with the bosses being victorious and the gamer’s head on a pike. This list breaks down the wrong tools. To “mise en place” the following weapons is to leave them in the trash where they belong.
10 Bare Hands
It is possible to punch one of Dark Souls 2‘s extremely powerful bosses. It is not recommended. Players attempting to win with their fists either had their weapons break on them in the middle of combat or are truly bonkers.
Regardless of the diagnosis, the result will most assuredly be a quick demise. To take less damage, players need to focus on ending the fight quickly. Victory via one-thousand paper cuts is one way to go about winning but unarmed attacks might require closer to ten-thousand such strikes.
9 Broken Short Sword
This will be the first weapon that comes to mind for most gamers. As the first weapon doled out to the player, one of the immediate questions when booting up the game is, “How soon can I replace this piece of junk?”
Yes, there are some extremely dedicated players that sport a Broken Short Sword build that lasts for the entire game. They might even say that the build is good. This is poor advice; just because the weapon can be upgraded does not make it efficient to do so.
8 Pickaxe
There are three pickaxe weapons in Dark Souls 2, and, as one might expect, they are slow and clunky. Two of them compensate by doing loads of damage and knocking enemies around. Then there’s this entry.
The fantasy of picking up a miner’s instrument and just going to town is a bit too far-fetched for this deadly and fast-paced game. They’re great for building houses in Minecraft, it’s true, but they are not good at fighting off demons and the like in Dark Souls 2.
7 Chime of Screams
The Chime of Screams is tailored to be wielded by a cleric. Dungeons & Dragons offers some unusual but effective items for clerics, and since Dark Souls has its roots in that genre, players might naturally assume that this odd weapon might have great potential.
The weapon offers a boost to faith depending upon how low the character’s stat is. This means the weapon only works well for a badly built cleric. A player could decide to build a low faith cleric to maximize this weapon’s boost, but then the character will suffer in every other aspect of their gameplay.
6 Azal’s Staff
Spellcasters that find this weapon initially believe they are in luck. Despite the high stamina requirement, almost twice that of other staves, it promises big damage numbers. If it hits its intended target, it delivers on that promise.
The problem is that it casts as slow as any staff in the game. The huge wind-up creates a vulnerable time period where the character is ripe for attack. And the durability of this thick staff is somehow only four, so those attacks will snap this thing like a twig. The gamer could uninstall the game and try out magic spells in the Sims 4, but it’s probably best to just upgrade to another weapon.
5 Sorcerer’s Twinblade
There’s plenty of disappointing items in any game that is based on loot. Players of Fortnite need to target specific areas or come up empty-handed. Players of Dark Souls 2, however, can find this huge, two-handed item and still be empty-handed.
It looks lethal and powerful, but that’s what makes it the most disappointing weapon in the entire game. The starting catalyst does more damage than this. The Sorcerer’s Twinblade cannot cast hexes at all, so its very name is misleading. To top it all off, it requires strength, dexterity, and faith to wield. Players change their entire build to use this item only to find out that its damage and spellcasting ability are total garbage.
4 Great Machete
The analysis of this weapon does not need to go much further than the look. When a fantasy action game says the words “Great Machete,” gamers automatically picture a gigantic blade with a two-handed grip that looks like it can viciously tear enemies in half like vines in a forest.
What they do not picture is a regular machete chained to a long stick. Getting past its looks, this option is functionally worse in every way to weapons like the Bone Scythe. Most action-RPGs like Dark Souls 2 would be able to cash in on a name like this, but this is a rare miss.
3 Lion Greataxe
Whether it’s an action RPG on the Switch, Xbox, PlayStation, or PC, most gamers understand that timing is key. It’s alright to swing a big weapon around so long as the movements and timing can be accounted for. This requirement firmly excludes the Lion Greataxe. The swings are unpredictable and they take so long that the gamer might as well do push-ups between strikes.
There’s a stinging insult that comes along with this weapon. The Lion Clan Warriors inflict curse with their weapons, but this axe designed by these fighters does not curse enemies at all.
2 Broken Thief Sword
Oh, FromSoft, those rascals. Is this a sequel? Or does the ‘2’ stand for the number of broken weapons they toss to the character at the start? The weapon is actually a dagger and, while it can apply some poison and bleed effects moderately well, it is outshined by virtually any other dagger in the game.
The natural question here is that if this is the Broken Thief Sword, and there is already a Thief Dagger elsewhere in the game, then where is the Thief Sword? Those who go on an expedition to find it will never return; it does not exist.
1 Handmaid’s Ladle
Ahem. The following is the description of the Handmaid’s Ladle: “An ordinary kitchen ladle. He who chooses this as a weapon either faces extenuating circumstances or has an odd sense of humor. If you care for your life, leave this one in the kitchen.”
When the game tells the gamer that the item is bad, it is bad. The damage is low, the attacks are inaccurate, and the…look, it’s a ladle. Do not overthink this. It might make for a fun challenge or a goof, but if the intent is to wield some solid gear, then use this one to dip into soup and not to slap upside the skulls of demons.
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