Look, sometimes the best video game discourse comes from the unlikeliest of places. In that interest, how about a Mario Kart 8 track tier list from none other than Michael Schur, creator of The Good Place and the unfortunately soon ending Brooklyn Nine-Nine? Answers are irrelevant because it happened.
Schur, under his pen name “Ken Tremendous” on Twitter, decided to make some waves in a pool of stagnating water by giving his “definitive” rankings of all the courses in Mario Kart 8. Was it a worthwhile endeavor? Well, that depends on the definition in this context. Based on the first reply, which calmly states “I don’t want to be hyperbolic, but this list is a war crime”, perhaps he accomplished what he set out to do.
The tier list gave each track a rating out of 10, with 6 tiers in total. With so many tracks to judge, it’s only natural that the debates began almost immediately. After all, Mario Kart 8 continues to break sales records to this day. Whether it was from the low placement of Cheep Cheep Beach or the controversial (but shapely) Yoshi Circuit taking such a high spot, gamers came from far and wide to participate in the Greek forum of serious ‘vroom vroom’ discussion.
Clearly relishing the idea of sowing discord among the ranks of video game people, Schur captioned his Mario Kart 8 list with a definitely serious statement, saying, “Our team used the standard Latherby-Norgham 10pt scale.” Driving the point home, he cheekily added, “These are definitive, so don’t bother arguing.” He even took to the replies, backing up his findings by repeating them with conviction. Truly, this discussion captured the very essence of video game culture. It’s probably good to be thankful that the rankings didn’t extend to opinions on which Mario Kart racer is the best.
But what truly makes a good Mario Kart track? Is it good item placement? Or maybe it involves satisfying track design? Perhaps it all comes down to length? How about how cool it looks? That’s probably it. Look through the replies and various calls for fan-favorite tracks to rise in the rankings tend to focus on the more visually appealing courses. At least they do up until they don’t. That’s the funny thing about opinions. Everybody has them, and they’re largely based on preference more than anything else. That’s why Schur can get away with having a laugh like this. There will never be a definitive ranking for something like this. Though there are plenty of cases to be made for the hardest Mario Kart tracks.
So enjoy this glimpse into the mind of the man who invented Jeremy Bearimy. At worst, it’s just one more opinion to add to the mix. Granted, disrespecting Neo Bowser City by placing it in tier 5 could be a crime punishable by flogging in a civilized society. But that’s for the courts to decide.
Source: Ken Tremendous/Twitter
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