After the disappointing second entry, Dragon Age: Inquisition was seen as a return to form for the series. It featured robust role-playing mechanics, a sprawling narrative driven by player choice, and several vast regions to roam, each with countless quests to complete.
Unfortunately, those quests are where Inquisition functions as a double-edged sword. Though the game boasts numerous exciting adventures sure to please fantasy fans everywhere, it also comes with certain ones that veer toward farce. That’s not to say that Dragon Age has been devoid of humor before this point, but some of the quests here rank among the silliest in the series.
10 Guilty Pleasures
Cassandra may be a Templar warrior with a tough exterior, but it turns out she has a softer side reserved for those with a high approval rating. She reveals this when she asks the Inquisitor for a special favor. Varric has written a romance novel, and Cassandra has gotten into it despite herself. There’s just one problem: it’s not finished. The Inquisitor must get the last chapter to fulfill her wish.
The fact that this cheeky Dwarf wrote a trashy romance tale is one thing, but Cassandra’s shocking interest in it is another. How did she come by it? Is it a genre that she frequents? These are questions to ponder as you seek out the ending.
9 An Unexpected Engagement
After completing certain story quests (Wicked Eyes and Wicked Hearts or Here Lies The Abyss) and romancing Josephine, the Inquisitor encounters a roadblock in the relationship. The advisor’s parents have already picked out a husband for her. The only way out of the engagement is to defeat the would-be husband in a duel.
The tale itself is a cute callback to classic chivalric stories, so playing along with the screwball scenario isn’t nearly as much of a chore as it could have been. It’s only more comical when the challenger admits defeat upon you declaring your love for Josephine. Apparently, he’s just that much of a hopeless romantic and poetic soul.
8 A Friend Of Red Jenny
The party doesn’t exactly get a warm welcome on their first journey to Val Royeaux. First, there’s the confrontation with the Templars. Then, an arrow’s shot at them. The note attached seems to come from a friend, but that friend also sounds like a child. Amidst the doodles, the paper tells the player to seek out red handkerchiefs at three separate locations in order to thwart a bad guy. When this culminates in meeting Sera, who wishes to join your party, it’s all the more confusing.
Was there really not a more direct way to help the Inquisition? Sera sure places a lot of stock in them looking for napkins. What’s to stop the heroes from writing it off as a kid’s prank? It’s made even sillier when she shows up as a roguish murder machine capable of snuffing out thugs in an instant. She must have had a weird upbringing.
7 Harlequin Tag
This quest isn’t officially marked, but the Inquisitor still considers it worth completing. During the Trepasser DLC, the party can encounter five harlequins at the Winter Palace. Touching them increases the Inquisitor’s dexterity and riches. Tagging all five of them unlocks a new schematic. The catch is that the Inquisitor must sneak up on the harlequins. If they detect the player, they vanish.
Yes, the Inquisitor takes time out of his/her day to play tag with magic clowns. The sheer randomness of these guys, coupled with the rewards for playing along with their bizarre game, harkens back to the mushroom or flan enemies in Kingdom Hearts. In Dragon Age, though, they feel hilariously out of place.
6 Regions In (Area Name)
Upon reaching a new region, the Inquisitor is encouraged to explore the area and gather resources for the war effort. This mostly comes down to completing side quests, but another avenue is conquest. This doesn’t involve battles, though. Instead, the Inquisitor flamboyantly plants a flag next to a building or landmark while a drumbeat plays.
Much of the humor here comes from the visual. Some weirdo walking over to a bridge in a populated area and declaring ownership is exceedingly silly. Rather than add credibility, the overdramatic way it’s presented only makes it more comical. Every time the Inquisitor does this, it looks straight out of Monty Python.
5 Wicked Eyes And Wicked Hearts
One of the lengthier quests is also one of the slower ones. After moving to a new fortress and spending 30 points at the war table, the Inquisitor speaks to Josephine about attending a party in Orlais. The goal is to curry favor at court and save Empress Celene.
It sounds fairly straightforward on paper. The event itself, though, is more cold-blooded than any battle the party has endured thus far. As the player moves through the palace, they overhear countless members of high society denigrating each other and cooking their own little schemes for power. The façade of respectability is immediately shattered, and the grim satisfaction is hard to contain.
4 Duchess In A Box
Players must make many hard choices throughout the game, but this is among the weirder ones. If the treasonous Duchess Florianne is killed at the Orlais party, the Inquisitor must decide what to do with her remains. One option is “community service,” which leads to a war table operation. This essentially amounts to parading her carcass in front of her peers to scare them into submission.
The supposed world savior defiling the remains of their enemy is an admittedly dark turn. What makes it funnier is the casual attitude your allies have toward the whole situation. Sure, some have gripes, but they treat it as just another matter to be sorted, which adds a nice bit of gallows humor.
3 Storvacker Caged
The Jaws of Hakkon cult have plagued Frostback Basin for too long. After talking to Thane Svarah Sun-Hair, the Inquisitor learns that the leader refuses to fight these zealots until the Avvar hold-beast is returned. This begins a quest to free Storvacker the bear from his captors.
Some might see this as a stalwart adherence to sacred customs in the face of adversity. Many players, however, will inevitably view it as the great hero and his loyal companions being drafted to fetch the village mascot. Never say they don’t take care of their pet.
2 The Ballad Of Lord Woolsley
The citizens of Redcliffe are a kooky bunch. Take One-Eyed Jimmy, for instance. After completing the “Lone Warden” quest, the Inquisitor learns that this poor sap has lost his beloved ram, Lord Woolsley.
Returning the creature amounts to little more than a fetch quest, but the context is amusing enough for a chuckle. A brightly colored ram, named Lord Woolsley, belongs to a guy called One-Eyed Jimmy. The whole thing sounds like the setup to a joke. It makes one wonder about the stability of the man. Is the ram his coping mechanism for losing an eye? That explains the silly pet name. Did he paint it a different color than the others? Maybe it ran away for a reason.
1 Where The Druffalo Roam
The Hinterlands is the first region that Inquisition takes the player to, but the developers don’t exactly put their best foot forward with this side quest. After reading on a billboard that a farmer’s druffalo has run away, the Inquisitor resolves to find the animal and bring it back.
This is the type of mundane fetch quest you’d see in an old MMO, but the award-winning BioWare brings it back, which is equal parts amusing and pathetic. It shows how tone-deaf these guys are to what constitutes a good open-world quest, and it’s why many still hail Origins as the best. Of course, that’s not even factoring in the idea of the heroes taking time out of their all-important mission to herd livestock. It seems that no problem is too big, small, or ridiculous for the Inquisition.
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