As much as I love Mario Kart, I’m not too excited for Mario Kart Tour, Nintendo’s upcoming attempt to bring the popular kart racer to mobile. I’m sure it’ll make a ton of money, and new world tour tracks like New Donk City look great. But gratuitous microtransactions sound like a great way to ruin a series that already has a reputation for questionable balancing between fun and skill. Pay $50 to not get hit with a Blue Shell.
However, for the thirstiest Nintendo fans among us, Mario Kart Tour now looks like a must-download since Peachette is coming to the game.
Hot on the heels of Peachette’s debut, we’re proud to reveal her new special item – The Mushroom Cannon! Designed to resemble a Mushroom, this cannon continually shoots out Mushrooms in front of your kart, making everyone happy! You get a Mushroom…everyone gets a Mushroom! pic.twitter.com/pZ3nvlJLG5
— Mario Kart Tour (@mariokarttourEN) September 8, 2019
If you keep safe search on you may have missed the biggest gaming fetish sensation of the past year. In the otherwise unnecessary Nintendo Switch port of New Super Mario Bros. U Deluxe, players can control Toadette and transform in a Peach-Toadette combination named Peachette with a special Super Crown mushroom. Makes about as much sense as anything else in Mario. However, soon devious deviant artists began depicting what might happen if other characters went through this transformation. That’s how we got horrifying horny hybrids like Bowsette and other fan art.
And now Peachette is coming to Mario Kart Tour, bringing back all of those memories in her dust. Her special ability is a cannon that shoots mushrooms making nearby players go faster (but hopefully not also turn into Peach). When I played Dr. Mario World, I thought Waluigi in a doctor’s outfit would be the most uncomfortably sexual image in a Nintendo mobile game. Oh to be that innocent.
Mario Kart Tour comes to iOS and Android on September 25. For more on Nintendo mobile games pour one out for Miitomo and look back on the dark economics of Animal Crossing: Pocket Camp before Tom Nook busts all balls again in Animal Crossing: New Horizons next March.
