Captain’s log, stardate 74156.3. We’ve encountered an entity calling itself ‘Electronic Arts’, which demonstrates godlike powers and treats human lives as pawns in a game for its own twisted enjoyment. It tells us we are its latest toys, and our homes, our heroes, and our decor shall join the fantasy it calls The Sims 4, declaring our imprisonment to be a ‘game pack’ named Star Wars: Journey To Batuu. Worse yet, the entity claims that our very lives are not real, that we’re mere props from an attraction at Universal Studios, a theme park in 20th century Earth. From how enthusiastically it stokes fires in our kitchens and sabotages our electrical appliances, I fear we may prosper but not live long.
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